Nope, They Never Kissed
by Thalia Eltanin
Summary: Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger in the girls' bathroom... that's all that's needed to be said.


_**Hello!**_

_**I'm having a field day, cuz this is the fourth story I posted today.**_

_**Read, enjoy, review!**_

_**Much love,**_

_**ThaliaMalfoy**_

__DISCLAIMER: Never been J.K. Rowling, even though I wished I owned Draco Malfoy. Oh, well, life isn't fair.

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><p>"Malfoy! What in Merlin's name are you doing here?"<p>

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"This is the girls' bathroom! Get out!"

"Keep quiet, Granger!"

"Hiding, Malfoy? What is it this time? Dark artifacts? Gifts from your father?"

"Shut up!"

_Sniggering_.

"Why I am here is definitely none of your business, you filthy little Mudblood."

"Watch your mouth, Malfoy."

"Oh, the mouth you want to kiss you bad?"

_Silence._

"What the hell are you talking about, Malfoy?"

"Pansy heard Lavender Brown talking about your 'obvious crush on me'. Pansy and I had a good laugh about it during lunch."

"That's it, Malfoy. Get out."

"Don't you dare boss me around, Granger."

"Well, it's not like you're permitted to go inside the girls' bathroom, are you?"

"I'll leave eventually! And if you hate my company that much, then why don't _you_ get out?"

"I'm Head Girl! It's my job to make sure other students are in their place."

"Well, I'm Head Boy. I'll make sure students are in their place here."

"Here? Malfoy, this is the girls' bathroom! The only thing that needs controlling here in Moaning Myrtle, and what do you think will happen if a poor fourth-year comes in and sees you?"

"Then I'll go put a Disillusionment Charm on myself. I won't do anything. Just go away, Granger."

_Sigh. _"Why are you here? If you tell me… I might leave."

"I'm… trying to get a break from Pansy."

"You're hiding from Pansy… like a coward."

"I am not hiding. Damn you, Granger, I'm not a coward."

"That's why you're hiding?"

"I am not hiding!"

"Yes, you are."

"I'm not hiding. I am simply….staying here because Pansy refuses to leave my side. It's not like I can blame her, I _am_ irresistibly gorgeous. Girls can't get enough of me. But of course, I need my alone time."

"So you usually spend your alone time in a girls' bathroom."

"No, of course not!"

_Silence._

"Malfoy, I cannot—"

"Fine, I'm hiding from Pansy! I mean, who can stand her?"

_Laughter. _"Malfoy, don't you think a girls' bathroom is a ridiculous place to hide in, when who you're hiding from is a girl? Pansy can come in any time."

"Oh, Pansy doesn't go here. She loathes Moaning Myrtle. And she doesn't use the bathroom anywhere but our common room."

"You share with each other your bathroom preferences?"

"That's ridiculous, Mudblood. We just know things about each other. We're all brothers and sisters in Slytherin."

"Hmph. Pansy sure doesn't act sisterly around you."

"You infuriate me. Get out."

"Malfoy, we've been infuriating each other for years, in case you don't remember."

"Granger, I remember you saying that if I tell you why I was here, you would leave."

"I said I _might_ leave. Not that I would."

"Clever as always, though that trick was very Slytherin of you."

_Smack!_

"Ow! What gives you the right to hit me, you filthy little Mudblood?"

"You're so… so… infuriating!"

_Smirk. _"Granger, we've been infuriating each other for years, in case you don't remember."

"Well, Malfoy, you know what I think? I think you're an arrogant, pompous, lying, annoying—"

_Thump._

_Sighing._

_Smack!_

"Why did you hit me?"

"Why did you kiss me?"

"You wouldn't shut up."

"You can't… you can't just go around kissing people!"

"Well, Granger, you are a Mudblood, practically dirt beneath my feet, so… not a person."

_Smack!_

"All right, Granger. That's enough out of you!"

_Smack!_

"That one's definitely going to leave a bruise. How dare you hurt me, you piece of filth?"

"You annoy me, you… annoying ferret!"

"Then go away! If you're annoyed, how do you think I feel?"

"You kissed me! I am not going to let you… get away with that."

"Merlin, Granger. Look at it this way, I did not kiss you. I merely used my lips to stop the never-ending movement of your mouth."

"It wasn't a kiss, then?"

"No, it wasn't. Why would I kiss you? You'd never deserve to be kissed by Draco Malfoy."

"I still think you kissed me! And I don't like that!"

_Push._

_Thump._

_Soft noises._

"So you don't like it, huh, Granger? Who's doing the kissing now?"

_Smack!_

"Ow, that hurt, Granger! Who taught you to be so violent?"

"Shut up!"

"Oh, why? So you could continue kissing me? Great."

"I wasn't kissing you."

"Oh, so you were just… what? Trying to do CPR on me?"

_Surprised silence_.

"You know what CPR is?"

"Of course I do. Blaise had to do it to me once, when I almost drowned in some lake in France. Disgusting memory actually. Still gives me nightmares."

"That's why…"

"That's why what?"

"That's why I've never seen you near the lake. Even during the Triwizard Tournament… you stayed a bit far from everybody. You were probably traumatized."

_Silence._

"Maybe. I don't care."

_Soft noises._

_Sighing._

_Silence._

"I feel bad for you, Malfoy."

"Way to ruin the moment, Granger. I was just starting to enjoy it. Anyway, I don't need your pity."

"But I feel bad. I'm sorry for you. It must have been frightening."

_Push._

"I don't want your pity, okay, Granger?"

_Thump._

"I just…"

_Soft noises._

"Want…"

_Heavy breathing._

"…this."

"You better stop kissing me, Malfoy. I'm a filthy Gryffindor Mudblood, remember?"

"I wasn't kissing you."

"And you didn't really say, 'I just want this'?"

"I said it. I meant that I wanted silence. You were starting to get noisy again, and I wanted to make you shut up, like I did earlier."

"You didn't kiss me?"

"I didn't kiss you."

_Laughter._

"Granger, pray tell, what are you laughing at?"

"Nothing. I have to go out now, it's almost lunch."

"You're still hungry after kissing me?"

"Ugh… By the way, Pansy's probably at the Great Hall. Are you going to stay here all day?"

"Pansy has detention. She's eating lunch with Professor McGonagall. I'm free."

_Creaking._

_Hesitation._

"Uh, Malfoy? I just realized I wasn't hungry. And I don't really want to go out right now."

"Er… yes. And now I just remembered that McGonagall might've moved Pansy's detention time. Maybe."

_Silence._

"So, Granger, do you want another go?"

"You want to kiss me again?"

"I never kiss Mudbloods."

_Laughter. _"Of course you don't, Malfoy, of course you don't."

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><p><strong>AN –for those who didn't get it (I know there are a lot of you) they kissed 4 times. Okay, bye **


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